a grief observed
I'm not sure I know how to grieve. Thankfully I
haven't had too much opportunity in my lifetime to do so. The most likely
event has been the death of my young cousin. I've been to other
funerals of less-close individuals but I seem unable to go through the
process I see others going through, even in response to other "sad"
experiences.
My first concern is that this may inhibit my ability to
connect to other people who have experienced or are experiencing something difficult. It will inevitably hamper
attempts to sympathize with someone suffering, and it has already caused me to feel self-alienated during times of
tragedy because I'm unable to experience this deep sadness.
My other concern is that I may hamper my own ability to grow in some way. I fear that I may be denying
some part of my heart that needs to feel pain; some area that needs to be cracked in order to process hurts I've experienced
or release bitterness that has slowly accumulated like dust settling on the lapels of an out-of-fashion jacket in a cedar
closet.
I've observed [healthy] grief, and it's something I hope to be able to do.
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