the role of reversal
What if you could live your life in reverse?
I ask this question because of late I have been particularly interested in the question of whether my best days are behind me. I was recently spending time at my parents' home and perused several old photo albums. I saw myself as a fun, smiling, happy child. I looked so free. I looked so OK with who I was.
Now, however, I wonder if those days are gone. I don't experience that freedom or happiness. I'm not OK with who I am. From my current perspective, life looks like a graying, damp, slow slide into disappointment.
Now what if life were lived in reverse? How would it look to start as an old man and grow to being a youngster? It seems like it would provide a nearly constant sense of excitement about the future. To start out feeble and grow stronger, quicker, and more firm of mind with each passing day. To know that next comes your young adulthood with its independence and energy, then adolescence with so many visceral (and hormonal) experiences and discoveries, followed by childhood with its contant play, and finally the absolute unburdening of infancy. I'd rather end my days smiling than end my days with memories of smiles.
Of course, we have no option. No option but to change ourselves and our attitudes. But I'm tired of living in a world where there are an infinite number of things I "should" do, none of which I can actually accomplish. So I guess I'll forever pretend that I'm not growing up and disappointed, but instead growing down hopeful. Forever for now, at least.
odometer
(guestbook)
cloud watching